My new favorite late night talk show host.
Ecosystem
The world is so much smaller than any of us can appreciate or comprehend.
It's getting smaller every day.
Only five hundred years ago it would take six months to cross the ocean.
Now we send messages across it at the speed of light every hour.
What we fail to realize is that the Earth can only get so small.
It'll shrink down to the size of a pin head and a thousand angels will dance on top of it.
We won't see them.
We won't hear the beautiful music.
We are blind, deaf, and dumb, playing pinball in search of something more satisfying.
And even when we move on to our Ataris and Dreamcasts and Wii Us, we'll still be searching for something, anything to make us forget about our parched throats and empty bellies.
And some of us will try to sustain ourselves with money, choking down fistfuls of greenbacks and bond certificates.
Other will binge on Communion wine and wafers, growing drunk on their faith.
But with all this conspicuous consumption we can't smell the poison.
There's lead in the groundwater and cyanide in the clouds.
We gorge with gaping mouths, generations of feet marching forward: a centipede miles long with our jaws caked in froth and shit and our wild eyes turned to the heavens looking for rain, hail, a sign from God sealing a covenant.
But there's nothing there.
Only particles diffusing light from a sun that is slowly losing mass, chip chip chipping itself away as it burns for no reason in particular, only to pass the time.
Because time is all we get here- it's the only currency truly worth anything, which is why they say time is money even though they mean the opposite- money is time.
Because you can pay someone else to waste their time while you hoard yours for yourself, sleeping on a pile of it like a dragon in a cave while others scrounge for two minutes to rub together.
There's an entire ecosystem at play here, tooth meeting tooth like gears in a clock, ticking seconds minutes hours away, counting down for the new year, watching a glass ball drop like a sun lit with a million drunken faces cheering on the passage of sand tumbling through an hour glass.
What nobody ever told us is those tiny grains are coarse enough to widen that sexy little waist and soon enough time flies by faster than you know it and you're fumbling to put those grains back where you found them on a beach somewhere where the tide flows backwards and smashes them together so they grow back into giant chunks of rock like they were when Jesus and the dinosaurs walked the Earth looking for something decent to eat.
Because that's all we've been doing in this twisted ecosystem- there's a million fucking restaurants but not a single goddamn place where you can leave full and happy and ready for a good eternity's sleep.
So instead we fill up on bread and dirt and high def LED pixels in the shape of our favorite porn star's latest pubic topiary because we haven't found that five out of five on Yelp that can make a savory meal out of old time cards and halfhearted attempts at self-expression.
We cake it in salt and drown it in booze and it's almost tolerable if you close your eyes and think of England.
But you know deep down in that secret place inside you where you keep your ex's nudes and those creepy thoughts about your second cousin that this is no way to eat. There's no umami. Nothing worth Instagramming for a few of those delicious cherry red likes that land on your tongue like candy hearts laced with LSD and dopamine.
You know in this whirring ecosystem of machinery and diesel smoke that you are but a screw holding together a cog turning a larger cog powering a piston running an engine inside a Mercedes going 25 on a midnight drive to nowhere in particular, just waiting until the tank runs dry and there's nothing you can do about it because you're so small and the world is so big, but what you need to remember is the world is much smaller than you appreciate or comprehend and is shrinking every day, so don't be scared to carve out your own little place where you can bleed color into the dirt and piss away your paycheck because time is the only precious thing there is, so you might as well spend it in a meaningful way because before you know it you'll run out of time.
And then
SOTW: The Panama Papers: Victims of Offshore
That's why you keep your money in the Cayman Islands.
Quick and Dirty Writing Contest
Since the last contest was so well received I thought it would be cool to host another one.
This time around, send in your short fiction for a chance to win yourself some glory, cash prizes, and a special mystery prize.
Rules
Entries may not be longer than 2500 words
One Entry Per Writer
All genres and topics are accepted, so long as they are in English.
All entries must be emailed to alsothatwebmaster@gmail.com with the subject line "Writing Contest Entry"
All entries must be submitted by the deadline at 12pm April 25th.
Prizes
Third Prize
The third prize winner gets their name and entry immortalized on ALSO THAT for the general public's reading pleasure.
Second Prize
The second prize winner also gets their name and entry immortalized on ALSO THAT and additionally wins a princely sum of 25 American Dollars.
First Prize
The first prize winner gets their name and entry immortalized on ALSO THAT to be remembered for the ages, Fifty Buckaroonis, and a super secret mystery prize.
Now go forth and get writing.
SOTW: The Present
I'm not crying. Shut up. You're crying.
NTWON: Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil
It's the showdown everyone has been waiting for: two Appalachian hillbillies are the only ones who can save the world from a force of violence and evil known only as Chad.
Normally, I don't go for blood and guts slasher flicks because I have the constitution of a twelve year old girl and have no desire to be reminded of the pointlessness of life by watching college kids get dismembered in increasingly creative ways. However, I was pleased to find that Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil is actually a sharp-witted black comedy dressed up as slasher.
Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil is unique in its self-awareness as the characters ask the same questions audiences often ask themselves: "Why is everyone dying?", "Why can't we call the police?", "Why don't they just leave?". All of these are addressed in believable and hilarious ways.
The thing that's particularly amusing about Tucker and Dale's characters is that they are almost completely oblivious of the fear and havoc happening all around them. They're just two guys trying to spruce up their new cabin while college kids suffer from what has to be the worst case of bad luck ever encountered by another human.
Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil can aptly described as a genre-busting film as it takes the horror format and adds a comedic twist on things. Remarkably, elements from rom-coms make their way into the movie as well, as Dale struggles with his inability to get a date among all the bloodshed.
Overall, Tucker and Dale made very effective use of its tight 88 minute runtime. Definitely a great movie to throw on if you could use a laugh but also want to see people die.
Willie Scaife: No Boundaries
I was immediately struck by Willie's work when I met him a few short weeks ago. The longer you stare at one of his paintings, the more things you see. He's an immensely talented artist and I'm thrilled to be able to share his art today.
My name is Willie Scaife. I am a visual artist based in beautiful Bridgeport, CT. I primarily paint and design lighting and furniture. Currently my work is focused on abstract painting, using acrylics on canvas, also alcohol inks on synthetic paper. I see no boundaries in what ever I am creating. I am always exploring new and fresh methods and ideas. My love of art and design is the dominant force behind most of my work. When I'm not at my part-time job helping people look their best, you can find me creating art in my studio loft.
SOTW: Conspiracy Theory Rock
Conspiracies were always my favorite subject in kindergarten.
The Brothers Grimsby
It's been a few years since Sacha Baron Cohen has released a movie of his own, but 2016 has brought us The Brothers Grimsby (AKA Grimsby). This weekend, I went to the theater and gave SBC's latest flick a watch.
Cohen plays a working class football hooligan named Nobby Butcher that reconnects with his long lost secret agent brother. In spite of being torched by critics left and right, The Brothers Grimsby was actually a pretty good movie.
There's a strong blend of action and comedy with the classic Sasha Baron Cohen heaping spoonful of absurd nastiness. The movie opens with a particularly well choreographed first person action sequence. I was actually surprised by how well done the action scenes were throughout the tight 83 minute run time. The producers certainly spared no expense in making things as crazy and over the top as possible.
Of course, this being a Sasha Baron Cohen movie, there were plenty jokes, many of which push the envelope of basic human decency. Once scene that stands out in my memory involves an elephant and two men that need someplace to hide. I'll let you fill in the blanks from there, but I will say that it ends with the two men covered in a foreign substance that's white and sticky.
There are other scenes whose humor come from Nobby's bumbling attempts to be a secret agent. The writers take cracks at all of the classic spy tropes: gunplay, gadgets, and girls. Nobby tries his hand at these with varying degrees of success. A particularly funny scene has Nobby attempting to seduce an important target by adopting a Connery-esque accent and donning a silk robe. What nobody tells him is that the important target is actually just the maid trying to do her job.
Overall, I had a great time watching the Brothers Grimsby. Were some of the jokes off the mark? Yeah. Were some scenes depraved and disgusting? Of course. That's what you sign up for when Sasha Baron Cohen is the writer. But on the whole, I had a good viewing experience and left the theater satisfied. I can see why other people wouldn't enjoy this movie because it's definitely an esoteric subculture that Cohen is spotlighting. It's safe to say that most Americans know little to nothing about football hooligans. If you decide to sit down and give this a watch, I think you're gonna have a good time.
SOTW: MAN
I was wondering why his shirt said "Welcome".
Skull Sticker Giveaway
Since everyone loved the Bowie stickers so much, I'm doing another sticker giveaway.
This one is 1'' by 4.25'' and cut to size, which means there won't be a horrible white box surrounding it.
Free to the first fifty people who fill out this form.
SOTW: An Object at Rest
What does a guy have to do around around to get some shut eye?
Penelope
Acrylic on Canvas 2016
SOTW: The Pride of Strathmoor
Brought to you by Damas L.
NTWON: Dope
On February 10, Dope became available to watch on Netflix. My interest was piqued by the trailers when it came out last summer, but I never got the chance to see it. So when it became available for streaming I had to give it a go.
I could not be more satisfied with my decision. From the beginning, Dope had me hooked. The trailers are deceptive- it looks like a light hearted period romp, something like like Superbad or American Pie. What you're actually getting is a movie closer to Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World. Dope isn't afraid to be experimental in both plot and its execution. The main character, Malcolm, isn't actually a 90's kid. The movie takes place in the present and Malcolm and his friends are just obsessed with 90's hip-hop culture.
Modern technology is a major theme of this movie. It hones in specifically on how much the internet has influenced every facet of modern life ranging from the spread of information all the way to the drug trade. It's shot in such a way that viral videos resulting from the characters actions are presented to the viewers as a record of their antics.
Dope takes the coming of age story to the next level, showing the anxiety of being a teenager facing an amoral world and the subsequent loss of innocence. Malcolm not only has to try to get into college, he also needs to face down drug dealers whose tendrils of influence invade Malcolm's life to a frightening degree.
Even beyond the fantastic plot, this movie is full of cameos including Blake Anderson, A$AP Rocky, and Tyga. Pharrell Williams and Sean Combs both had producer credits. Pharrell also wrote 4 original songs for the film and they're all amazing. Basically, there's a lot of talent backing this movie and it shows.
I loved Dope and I'm probably going to watch it again very soon. Can't recommend it highly enough. Bump this one up to the top of the queue.
Miranda-Lee Kurucz: Fluidity and Unpredictability
I've always been a fan of art depicting animals, which is why I when I saw Miranda's work I knew I needed to share it here on the site. Free form and visceral, her watercolors beautifully capture the organic colors and shapes found in nature.
My name is Miranda-Lee Kurucz, and I was born in Surrey, BC and raised in the natural splendor of Vancouver Island, on the West Coast of Canada. Growing up in such a natural environment it is easy to see that much of my inspiration has been developed by my surroundings and my love for animals. I have dabbled and experimented with many mediums but find comfort in the fluidity and unpredictability of water colors. For me, my art has always been a thing of the heart; it has been done as a gift for friends-- a way to add a personal element to special occasions. It is rare that I will sit down and paint for myself and be happy with the results. But when someone has asked me to create, that is when I perform.
Many of my paintings are creatures that you will find right here in British Columbia-- Coastal wildlife photographer, April Bencze, has lent her lens to my inspiration and allowed me to capture her found moments on my canvases. I encourage anyone interested in learning more about British Columbia, our coastal wolves, and the other wildlife that graces our province to visit: http://www.aprilbenczewildlife.com
SOTW: DDWIWDD
"Better luck next time, don't worry so much."
Rosemary Celon-Gordon: Out of the Ordinary
I paid the Gilded Lily Gallery a visit and had the chance to speak with the owner and resident artist Rosemary Celon-Gordon. I had a wonderful time sitting among the beautiful works in her gallery and talking about her work.
If you find yourself in southern Connecticut, I absolutely recommend dropping her shop for a visit.
Like their Facebook page here.
MT: HOW'D YOU GET YOUR START AS AN ARTIST?
RCG: I've always been into the arts, even as a little kid. I would always dream about being an artist. Professionally, I went to school for architecture. Then, I did shows for like 15 years after I graduated. Then I opened up here...I guess that was when I first realized I was an artist, because I started making money. I mean, before that I did, but you know, it wasn't steady. You know the term starving artist? We were all starving artists, believe me. When I was doing shows, I needed a job, so I worked a steady job for like fifteen years, then I opened the gallery and that was when I realized I was an artist.
MT: How did you make the transition for architecture to fine art?
RCG: I went to Paier [College of Art and Design] and got my degree and got a job after graduation with Ethan Allen. I didn't like it. There wasn't any creativity to it. It was basically sales. Architecture wasn't really what I wanted to go to school for. They didn't offer fashion design, which is what I really wanted to do. So I went for architectural design. But then I decided that wasn't what I wanted to do. I really wanted to draw and do fabric art and paint. My work has evolved. I started working with fabrics...I would make soft sculptures out of fabrics- almost like doll making. That was how I started doing shows. I've always liked textile designs and I think when you look at my work there's so much detail in design in it.
Rosemary describes her style
MT: You have a really unique style, in that, it toes the line between sculpture and painting. How did you develop that?
My work has evolved a lot. I got my start with soft sculptures and fabrics. When we first opened the gallery I was working in polymer clay. With the clay, the designs are all done in the clay, because it's pigmented. I went back to painting with acrylics on canvas. Then I discovered glass paints and that was my ah-ha moment, when I discovered you could paint on glass and it could look like enamel. A lot of my paintings hanging in here are done on glass. And then I went from totally glass painting to some with mosaic work and now I'm doing mosaics. I also do jewelry with resins and silver and bronze. I don't get bored because I keep changing my mediums. I keep incorporating what I use in my glass painting in my jewelry. You look at my work and you can tell it's mine. There's a vein that runs through it.
MT: How did you decide to open the gallery?
I worked for a company for 16 years that closed their stores in CT and I needed something to do. I wanted to go back to my art because I kind gave it up for those years when I was working full time. I got my severance pay and I said to my husband I couldn't see myself working for someone again. I hated working for someone else and I really missed doing my art. With the severance pay and a loan, we did it. We opened the gallery. And that was fifteen years ago.
MT: You've managed to operate this gallery through one of the worst economic downturns in recent history. How?
Determination. I have a pretty good following with my work. We're honest. We don't pressure people. When someone comes in, we let them look around and enjoy. We have things nobody else has. When you're looking for something different, unique, and special we have it. In this economy, you have to have that. You can't be run of the mill. It's gotta be something out of the ordinary. A niche thing. That's what we are.
MT: What words of advice do you have for aspiring artists?
Just keep working. Keep doing it. Pay your dues. Just work hard. You can't expect to graduate from school and just get the perfect job. You gotta work for it. And keep working for what you want. It's not easy to be an artist and make a living. Most of the people I have in here have other jobs. I myself did too for many years. If you think you're gonna be rich and famous forget about it.
SOTW: Basura
One's man's trash...
Hail Caesar!
When I first heard about Hail Caesar! I was psyched beyond belief. The Coen Bros were dropping a new flick and the cast was out of control. Clooney. Brolin. Scar-Jo. Jonah Hill. The trailer teased at the plot: A big-time actor (played by The Cloonster) in a period piece has gone missing and he needs to be found before the production goes belly-up. It was a implied promise that the Coens were harkening back to their Big Lebowski days: a surreal comedy where the main character, Josh Brolin, searches not to replace his rug, but to find his missing movie star.
The reality of the situation is very different. Brolin plays a big-shot Hollywood producer named Eddie Mannix and spends roughly 100 minutes playing 1940's celebrity Wack-A-Mole. Problem after problem after problem springs up and Eddie is the only guy who can fix them. The search for George Clooney is the A problem, but Mannix also devotes a substantial portion of his time to his B, C, and D problems as well.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that Hail Caesar! is very much a character-driven movie. And a little digging revealed that Eddie Mannix is based on a real producer. Apparently, the real Eddie Mannix was what they call a "fixer" in the biz. Basically, it was his job to keep the trainwreck that was most celebrity personal lives under wraps in order to maintain their clean image to keep the public adoring.
As it turns out, there were many, many, many, many nods to the Golden Age of Hollywood in this movie. Long song and dance numbers that (without this knowledge) seem shoehorned into the plot. A synchronized swimming scene that frankly ran on way too long even though my future wife Scarlett Johansson was splashing around with the best of them. It's no surprise that critics loved this one because it's a movie about movies.
The thing about movies about movies is that they are very alienating to audiences because while it's fun for filmmakers to turn the camera around and give us normies a glimpse behind the curtain, we also miss 75% of the jokes because "you had to be there."
This isn't to say that Hail Caesar! was a bad movie. It was very funny. Mostly because the Coen brothers take refuge in absurdity. Strange things happen in Hollywood and the brothers let moments land. There's lots of breathing room, which makes sense considering the plot is basically a loose collection of characters. There were also plenty dumb little visual jokes and audio gags that kept me smirking throughout the show.
Unless you're a huge Hollywood buff, I wouldn't bother schleping out to the theater for this one. Absolutely worth watching on Netflix/HBO Go/ Crackle though.